Have you ever wondered why a friend talking to you sounds so much like a complete other friend of yours?
Have you ever just sat and thought of how well your friends would get along if they were to meet (in case they are not friends yet)? Well I have, and it has been on my mind for a while now.
Although one person can have more than one friend and give equal attention and time to each one of them, it is obvious that no friendship is equal. But the simple fact that two or three of one’s friends can be “similar” or have the same visions in life, makes me ask this question : Do we attract, or to say it better, are we supposed to have a specific type of people around us?
Before we go too deep, and try to find supporting evidences, let me just explain where this whole topic is coming from.
First of all, I am the kind of person who regardless of how friendly I can be to anybody and everybody, I only open up to a limited number of people. I do not have any specific criteria but bonds seem to form themselves. And now when I look at my life, I realize there is just a limited number of people I call friends, real friends.
Growing up, I had (still have to some extent) almost too much social life: been with the girl scouts, practice traditional dancing since I was 5, part of student clubs at school back in Burundi, and did a lot of volunteering in Canada where I now live, to that add, 2-3 different associations,Church, work, school … and this is just a sample of what really goes on *insert tired and rolling eyes emoji*. In case you were wondering if I am cool with that, the answer is yes. I mean, I do not know how I manage it but it works for me somehow.
With that in mind, I can put my friends in 4 different categories:
- Childhood friends : includes the family members that were close to me since we were young
- High-school friends : they say that the friendship that you make in this period of your life are meant to stay, Shout out to those that showed me this saying is right
- Church friends: some of them are sisters and brothers our parents did not know they had 😏
- Sort-of-new friends: I say sort-of because they are not new, but it just that I met them or got to get close to them when I moved here in Canada.
Some of them can be found in more than one category. As I sit and talk to any of my friends I can’t help but have thoughts such as: “maan, — would have fun hanging with us…” “OMG you sound so much like—” or even this one: “Jeez my friend — could say the exact same thing you just said.”
All this thinking and comparing every single one of my friends (remember they have to deserve the title loolz) made me question if we actually were attracted to a specific type of people.
A study I read somewhere said that when looking for a soulmate we were attracted to the “us” that we see in the person, this would explain why some couples really look alike. But that was not enough for me. I wanted to know more about the other friends, not just the “best friend/lover/soulmate/bae/boo/ however you call them”.
Plato, the Greek philosopher said, “Similarity begets friendship“ in other words we choose our friends according to what we find in them that is similar to us. So because the model we are basing that “friendship quest” if I may say, is the same a.k.a “Ourselves”, it is understandable that some of our friends have similar psychological traits. Or using simple maths:
If A = B & A = C then B = C
Part 1 solved.
Now, I can’t tell you that all of my friends are similar or agree on the same things (for all I know, I do not even agree with myself on everything 😒 ). But I believe that the thing that most people put first when making new friends is the sense of humor. Because of that, it is safe to say that all of your friends are most likely going to have the same sense of humor, ergo get along easily ( well,for the most part). Part 2 solved.
Now with roughly the same sense of humor, personality traits that are complementary, dreams and aspirations in life that do not necessarily have to be the same, you get an energy that is unique to your group. I call myself lucky because although not all of my friends know each other personally I know for sure that they would get along easily, I mean if they each can handle me, nothing else is impossible lol.
Again, not 2 of my friends are alike. But they all have more than one part of me in them which is why, consciously or not, we chose each other as friends.
Saying that an individual is attracted to a specific type of person is still to be figured out. In the meantime, hug your closest friends (in space) and blow kisses to those that are far for they make life precious for us.
Image source: here